whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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