wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
