For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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