I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it's like heaven, but drunker
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
