Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When are your genitals available?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
