i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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