I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
