During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
