Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
