i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
