after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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