i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
