And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
