if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
