im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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