wrigley field is MILF paradise
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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