Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
