just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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