if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
