this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
