Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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