Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
