Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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