I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
