I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
