i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
