High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
