Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
