is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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