Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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