If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
