broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
