i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize