I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
