The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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