i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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