i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
