woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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