Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
