I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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