He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
