I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
3pm strippers are depressing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
