hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
