Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
