After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
