So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
