and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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