I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
