She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
