so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize