Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
