i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
