FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He shit in the fireplace
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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