I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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