Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize