"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
