At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
