it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
