OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
