READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
