Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
