Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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