TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
