Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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