If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
