i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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