Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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