He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
