Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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