She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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