I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
