I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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