is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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