He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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