my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
