yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
