I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
