Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
