I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
