How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
