How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's Friday. Sex?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
