i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
