Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
