he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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