My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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